I am in the middle of a course on non-violent communication (NVC) at the moment. And during one of the last sessions, something interesting came up which makes sense to revisit in the context of a recent inquiry about commitment. In a few words about the method, NVC is proposing. At the base of every action, emotion or feeling these are needs each individual has. These needs are pure and beautiful, being able to find your needs, verbalize them in an unthreatening loving and caring way and act from them is what allows our personality to strive and prosper. First, you observe the situation, experience it on the level of feelings, identify needs and formulate requests which will help the other to help you with the need. When communication is based on needs and honest expression of them, nothing can go wrong because they are pure and undemanding. An example would be, that one of my needs is a need for occasional solitude. When I reject someone's invitation I can phrase it in a way that person doesn't feel it is personal but by not becoming angry with my decision to stay home, they support my autonomy. Assuming people care for me, they will be happy to support my need to be alone. If my need is met, I am a happy person and a better friend, plus I show myself fully without adjusting myself to a social standard of interpersonal interaction. So as a bonus I feel seen and held and the other feels empowered and trusted. They also distinguish between strategies and needs. Strategies are concrete and personal manifestations in the world which are meant to take care of the needs. And needs are more abstract and universal. That s in a nutshell what NVC is teaching. Being more honest and connected to your needs allows them to be heard and held.
Favourite strategies.
Favourite strategies.
Favourite strategies.
I am in the middle of a course on non-violent communication (NVC) at the moment. And during one of the last sessions, something interesting came up which makes sense to revisit in the context of a recent inquiry about commitment. In a few words about the method, NVC is proposing. At the base of every action, emotion or feeling these are needs each individual has. These needs are pure and beautiful, being able to find your needs, verbalize them in an unthreatening loving and caring way and act from them is what allows our personality to strive and prosper. First, you observe the situation, experience it on the level of feelings, identify needs and formulate requests which will help the other to help you with the need. When communication is based on needs and honest expression of them, nothing can go wrong because they are pure and undemanding. An example would be, that one of my needs is a need for occasional solitude. When I reject someone's invitation I can phrase it in a way that person doesn't feel it is personal but by not becoming angry with my decision to stay home, they support my autonomy. Assuming people care for me, they will be happy to support my need to be alone. If my need is met, I am a happy person and a better friend, plus I show myself fully without adjusting myself to a social standard of interpersonal interaction. So as a bonus I feel seen and held and the other feels empowered and trusted. They also distinguish between strategies and needs. Strategies are concrete and personal manifestations in the world which are meant to take care of the needs. And needs are more abstract and universal. That s in a nutshell what NVC is teaching. Being more honest and connected to your needs allows them to be heard and held.