Summer time.
I decided to dedicate this summer to some expansion practices. I think in the past five months or so I was narrowing down and shrinking in some areas of my life. Past few months I started to become more aware of what was causing it, mostly self-deception I used to cover up my procrastination to engage with some existential activities. I was constantly distracting myself from difficult stuff which requires effort. Even these drifts are somewhat manifestation of it, daily commitment to something that I thought was important, at times became a distraction and avoidance of questioning real things. Not all the time clearly and after the break my attitude change, but I had a moments where I was forgetting what I was doing and just moved automatically. I often talked about obsessiveness been a dubious virtue and i think i did cross a line and became owned my my obsessive nature. It made me narrow and I lost the spaciousness. I decent dependent and had to feed my desire. It made me question though about a possibility of having spaciousness and obsessiveness in one mix. I discovered tantra and their spacious passion ridge with bunch of other ideas that cherish in intensity and energy within. Following the teaching, Increasing passion motivates extreme action. Increasing spaciousness gives room for extreme weirdness. Increasing energy fuels extreme emotion. It suits me. I did betray my spaciousness and passion when i was narrowing down feeling insecure and anxious not that long ago. I feel there is a fresh air of change I feel openness and renewed curiosity towards myself and life around me. Dance opened up a dimension for me which is fascinating to explore surprisingly not only because of the whole physical aspect but as a support for my meditation practice and clearer thinking.
I feel inspired and energized to pick up my practice again, i think i am over some ontological rejections and the period of forced self-separation from things that where driving me in the past. Not sure what I am shapeshifting into but undoubtedly the movement is happening.
This summer I decided to spend unlike other. I am having a clear intention to expand a spectrum of my experience and loosen up some casual bonds in which I got entangled. I planned a few rather exciting activities which will include expansion of a playground for my mind, challenges for my physical body and social body, stretching the spectrum of emotions and reconnecting with the intensity. I chose several practices which will explore these facets in somewhat contained and safe fashion. By the end of the summer I’ll see what the result will be and where will I shapeshift. That’s the main intention find my spacious passion an trust myself within that dance with intensity.
I will start with my mind to prepare the grounds, tomorrow will be a special day, I engage with some of the questions that have been on my mind in a deep way taking a different kind of gaze on my own experience.
I feel excited about my summer adventures and hoping to keep the drifts alongside myself. Happy to have you close.