Farewell.
Lu lost count of the nights she spent at Kenny’s, but every time she opened her eyes, he wasn't there. It happened before, but for some reason, this time, Lu was feeling restless. Perhaps Kenny’s recent festival indulgence or maybe the time of the year were adding to her worries.
Often after sequential festivals and celebrations, Kenny was behaving strangely. In those moments, even Lu, who knew him longer than she knew herself, had problems recognizing her friend. His movements were becoming slower, the gaze was not reaching above the horizon, and his face felt cold to touch. Gradually Kenny's skin was becoming pale and silent. Lu even thought once that he was slowly turning into a stone. Poking him once in a while usually helped release a tear from his eye or a nervous laughter from his mouth.
People generally started to avoid Kenny in those moments. Strangers were moving away, finding an excuse to cross to the other side of the road when he was approaching. Kenny still expressed his wants but they didn't transform into celebrations. In the mornings, while choosing what to wear, Kenny was noticing his hands moving but it was unclear who was doing that. Kenny didn't do it, that was obvious to him, but the glimpsing in the mirror next to his closet was telling him something else. Numerous times Kenny tried to stop his the action but didn't know where to start as he had no connection to that body which was moving his thoughts without formal agreement. It was confusing not only for Kenny but also for Lu, she didn’t have many places to go to since she forgot where her home was. She was afraid that Kenny was forgetting her and one day his door will have a new lock leaving Lu and Bob on the street.
Lu didn't want to lose her temporary roof and was coming up with creative ways of being a friend. Once she brought a long needle and poked balloons in Kenny's bedroom, that were always floating in there after his celebrations. She wanted to scare him so he'd wake from his zombie-like state. Sometimes something worked but not always. When Kenny was losing himself like that, Lu lovingly called him her Zombik. Reminding of her mother tongue that she thought she forgot long time ago.
One day when Lu abandoned her hope of seeing Kenny again and secretly celebrated a possibility of taking over his home, the door opened wide and she saw Zombik. Wearing a golden tie and a pair of black socks with slippers. His gaze was emptier than usual. Lu carefully lifted her neck, showing her colored crest out of the nest she built on Kenny’s couch out of old magazines. Unwillingly Bob writhed off her chest leaving Lu with a cold wet patch that was introducing a high-contrast temperature dissonance on her skin and wasn’t adding comfort to the situation. Rapid awakening didn't affect the clarity of her thinking.
Lu concluded:
Zombik took over every bit of Kenny who underwent complete replacement of his brain cells with an unidentified parasitic agency who is determining his choices.
Sudden nervousness and Kenny’s rapid movements quickly filled up the room, upsetting a yeast bread that was ripening on the window seal. A day before Lu planned to bake poppy seed buns and lure the last bits of Kenny before Zombik takes over. She knew that smells and flavors had magical powers to evoke remembering. Often times Lu thought she forgot, gracefully celebrating her new death achievement, and then suddenly a sneaky smell would crawl into her nose without giving her any choice to resist it. A smell of pancakes, fried onions, and pork fat her grandmother used to cook. The upset dough messed up Lu's afternoon plans anyways so she decided to observe Zombik, who was packing his bag, throwing seemingly random stuff inside. Fair to say her worry was raising instead of the dough, complete takeovers were not happening very often and she was afraid of losing Kenny forever. The thought that she could live in his house if Kenny dies was giving her peace alongside discomfort.
Pulling on her dress and grabbing Bob, who was sipping his morning coffee, Lu stepped out of the door, blinded with the bright light of the world that was all of a sudden, ruthlessly, filling up her inner space. Quickly adjusting and switching the inner gear to the outer awareness, Lu followed Zombik who in a meantime was moving alongside a concrete wall of a tired building. She stayed at a distance, not wanting to interfere as she was very curious about the destination Zombik clearly had in mind.
They walked for a while, about 5 meters apart, moving out of the city, filled with exciting moments of crossing the roads with the stoplights that miraculously turned green as Zombik stepped onto the traffic area. As if the whole city was mobilizing its forces, aware that Zombik had to be moved out with the least resistance. Finally, the procession moved out of the city. Zombik carrying Kenny inside, Lu carrying Bob on her shoulders. So they dived into the rural landscape where various creatures, seeking entry to the town, welcomed them with questions about the city life, dreams that they had but couldn't fulfill. Lu got a little scared of these homeless entities; she feared becoming one of them if her quest for home would fail. Not that they were threatening or dangerous in any way, but they looked kind of lost and lonely.
Most of all, Lu was afraid of loneliness; intuitively, she knew that forgetting herself would unavoidably feel lonely, that is why she had to learn how to forget quickly so there will be no time to remember that she was all alone. Bob gently bit Lu's ear, seeing she drifted away in her thoughts.
He whispered his usual: "You are not your mind" and licked a tear off her cheek.
The night was taking over, introducing all kinds of fears Lu was carrying inside. She was about to turn back, ready to sing farewell to Kenny and welcoming ideas about rearrangements in the house, but suddenly Zombik stopped in front of a cliff, stepping on a log lying around and took out a white envelope from his oversized shorts. He adjusted his tie and pulled his socks up, cleared the throat and bowed forwards as if there would be an audience in front of him.
“There is nothing” went through Lu’s head, probably a compulsive response to soothe herself from panic witnessing something that was pretended. She quickly forgot about, giving space to astonishment when uplifting soprano effortlessly moved out of Zombik’s mouth.
Dear everything to me,
It has been many years since I first noticed that I am being watched by you.
You chose me to be your host and turned your attention towards me.
Without ever announcing it or asking for consent to own me.
Your seductive moves spun and twisted me in a seamless motion of time.
Where I slowly gave away myself and forgot who I was before you embraced me.
With your hungry arms.
With your hungry arms.
At first, you were carefully observing me, learning my habits and finding your way into my life.
Like a beautiful singing of sirens, I heard and followed your voice.
With obedience of a hungry dog who knows her master has a treat in their hand.
The only thing was there was no master.
You blinded me with my own desire to become what I saw.
Became what I saw.
Became what I saw.
And I was gradually replacing every bit of me with the words of your sounds.
Whispering into my ear through the books, sounds, and voices of the others.
Just like a sticky spore of cordyceps mushroom,
you inhabited my weak ant-like body so well designed to obey the social order.
Fulfill its function, so desperate to be liked and so deceived by your false promise.
To find belonging and fill the void of loneliness inside of my heart.
Today, as I am standing on the top of the anthill fully in your service,
I have nothing more to lose because I have nothing left that I can call myself.
I can let you go now.
I can let you go now.
I can let you go now.
And so I will. Now I make a step off the cliff and take you with me.
Farewell, my dear.
You are forever past of my being.
I loved you, truly.
Lu wiped her tears with Bob’s body, which wasn't the most optimal solution practically, but she couldn't admit she just wanted to be close with Bob because of the sadness that cut through her chest seeing Zombik disappearing into the abyss of the darkness.
She took out her notebook, found the letter “K,” and put another vertical stripe next to Kenny’s name. It was his 7th in the row, and that meant she could cross another batch.
"It was his 7th, Bob. I forgot, it was his 7th."